mental health day

today I took (am taking) one of my “personal leave” days….

I wake up each morning to the radio; lately, I’ve been able to get good enough reception on one of the local NPR stations that it’s what I wake up to. my alarm goes off at 5:30, and I have about a half-hour of float time before I actually have to get up. this morning’s half-hour brought my brain the impending war with Iraq, customs patrol in Port Angeles, and AIDS in Africa, and something in my head just snapped. I couldn’t stop crying. the faint angst I’ve been feeling about the state of the world and the state of my country turned into this overwhelming sense of despair.

(now, I’ve also had some amount of personal stress over the last few months, and less than ideal sleeping patterns. but still.)

C. persuaded me that perhaps it would be best if I didn’t go in, and after a burst of the usual work ethic/guilt, I agreed. instead, I went for a very long walk and thought about my life and the world and what the hell I’m doing with my life. oh, and took a nap and chewed at a library book on post-Mao China. (which may be adding to my existential angst, but I’m finding it fascinating.) tonight I’m going to write to my congresscritters, and tomorrow it’s back to being a productive member of society. (albeit as a teleworker.)

(I appreciate K’s point of view, even if it’s not one that I can go to myself.)