in which I write about stuff
I didn’t think I had it in me, but my only possible response to this was a poem:
a bright sunny day
(perhaps too bright)
above, a V of geese
turning, heedless,
but still beautiful
a continent’s distance
another sunlit day
dimmed by clouds
that will bring no rain
but tears
not the best thing I’ve ever written, but heartfelt.
September 1, 1939
WH Auden
From: Another Time (1940)
I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade;
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night
I guess I should write something about GWB’s statement (I still refuse to call him the president), but I can’t find any words. So I’ll steal Jacob Weisberg’s (link):
The only official I saw who failed to create some sense of reassurance was the president. All he knew how to do was read his statement and offer a prayer. My honest, churlish reaction: I wish Bill Clinton were still the president.
yeah, like that.
“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” – Ghandi
seen on Metafilter discussion.
still trying to get my work done, while scary thoughts run through my head. my hands are shaking & cold, my stomach is churning. (cramps not helping.)
news reports, carried by co-workers & metafilter, say that palestinians are dancing in the streets. I am trying not to be zenophobic, not to be racist, but it’s hard. it’s going to be hard for our leaders to avoid doing something really, really stupid. because I think bombing whoever into glass/stone age would be stupid. call me crazy, but I fear it would only make things worse.
but GWB is our president, so stupidity is unlikely to be avoided.
okay, I said I wasn’t going to post at work again, but today seems a little different somehow. I won’t link to anything, as it’s all a moving target right now. (the internet traffic is just insane, btw.)
sent this email to a bunch of friends/relatives:
I don’t know what to say – only this feeling that I need to reach out to the people I love. I’m reading what news I can get on the internet (traffic is too high for any audio/video) and am filled with a sinking feeling…like today was the end of something.
love,
elaine
ps: edith or elizabeth, could you forward this on to ms. nicholson? I can’t find her address.
pss: aunt susie, thank you so much for the earrings – they are lovely!
just got a reply from Greyson, who I haven’t talked to in so long. he’s taking the day off to be with Michel, which makes me breathe a little easier, seeing as how he works in downtown SF. now if I heard from Stephanie (in Virginia/DC) I’d feel better.
I’m filled with this floating anxiety. I can’t concentrate – just cancelled my first meeting of the day because I am hopelessly unprepared. what will happen now? that’s the only thought in my mind. that, and that we are at war – or on the verge of it.
some center of morbid humor in my brain keeps reminding me that Pearl Harbor Day is the day after Edith’s birthday – and now this thing is the day after mine.
resisting writing my deepest darkest thoughts. I’ve become increasingly touchy about what I write in this space.
Monday is my birthday. woo-fucking-hoo. no plans – only just realized that I should do something. haircut tomorrow, tho I don’t know when. should call Kat & find out, then call Matt & see if he wants to come down & hang out. or something.