in which I write about stuff
A moment of silence – September 14, 2001 – 12:30 pm – Pierce College Fort Steilacoom
you can’t see me from here – I was sitting on the other side of the crowd, in the grass, staring at an ant crawling thru a bright yellow dandelion.
wrote 2 haiku:
dew glimmers in the grass
a bee meanders on its way
in the silence, horns
***
ants stumble through the dandelion
a world in miniature
this afternoon, I went to Fred Meyers (dishwasher soap & pads). as I was getting out of the car, I heard what I can only assume were fighter jets overhead. in a flash, all sorts of emotions rolled through my brain/heart – a weird & unfamiliar patriotism, sorrow & grief. what does it mean to be a pacifist? I’ve asked myself that question, but never had to ask it in this context. I don’t have an answer, only the cry that war can’t be the right way.
what is the right way? if I were GWB, what the heck would I do?
which sort of reminds me of something else that happened today. we had our staff meeting outside at a picnic table, on the edge of the park, and as I was coming back into the building, I saw a truck which I’ve seen before – it has a bumper sticker that says “what would Jesus do?” I’ve always been sarcastic about that sort of thing, because christian fundies bug/scare/anger me. but today, after reading this, I have a little more respect for that question.
but what the fuck would Jesus do? (pardon the language) is there a rational, agnostic, pacifist answer, to an irrational, fundamentalist, terrorist question?
this all throws the ending of Aila’s story into sharp relief. at what point are we complicit in the sins of our culture? what is the appropriate stance for a small individual in a large society?
thinking of discussions like this. I don’t know how I feel about it, which I suppose is part of why I write…to understand while telling a story.
channel 28, simulcasting komo, was playing amazing grace – I don’t know the context, exactly, since it only came into my consiousness gradually, as I was bouncing from window to window, reading and reading. when it fully hit me, I just stopped. this song has long had the power to tear me up – was played at dad’s funeral, when I was a little thing. today it let me cry, for the first time.
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.
which, of course, was interrupted by a telemarketer. if I hadn’t been crying, I would’ve just lit into him; instead, I gave him the old UWPC telemarketers lecture (he was calling for a police charity) and told him to take my name off of the list.
it just doesn’t end. it goes on and on and on.
I’ve heard from a bunch of people in response to my email yesterday (see below). Barry, Bruce, Edith, Elizabeth, Aunt Susie, Stephanie, Paula, Greyson. I’m a little concerned that I haven’t heard anything from Matt (who I flaked out on this last weekend – Matt, if you’re out there, please forgive me for my screwiness!). everyone is alive and well, even Irina – heard 2nd hand from Steph. not that Irina would ever see this, but I’m so glad to know she is okay.