there is something beyond all that

Yesterday I had a therapy session after a break of a couple of months, and it just felt right. Again, independent verification that I’m doing better, and we worked on something that’s more of a next step, talking about anger and how I handle my anger.

A few points that I want to record/share for posterity…

* “lifehacking” works for me, being consious of myself as an experiment and tracking my patterns to divine opportunities for change. (trackslife has been an excellent tool in that effort, btw.)
* I want to be able to express what I feel and what I need, when I’m angry, in a way in which I’m likely to be heard.
* my temperment is such that I get the best results when I have time and space to consider before I respond. (knowing what I’m going into in a situation of potential conflict is particularly important)
* I need to practice working with people as they *are*.
* breathe: in 4, hold 2, out 8. also, better oxygenation is apparently one element in why smokers go for a cigarette under stress. this gives me some insight into both KC & my dad.
* the Jon Stewart technique: see something absurd in a situation to keep from screaming.

also, I am continuing my 10/15-minute writes (while the van is on the freeway), and the last two times I haven’t needed to find a prompt. and continuing my morning exercises and daily rides.

not that it’s a piece of cake. interestingly, I find I’m seeing not the “light at the end of the tunnel” but the end of life as a closed-off space: an “is” with up and down, good and bad, and a self that I can examine and mold. this feels completely and entirely new.