Author: Elaine

“Were you freaked out when it was gone?” (Or variations of that) – since I’d been thinking about it for weeks beforehand, and since it had been driving me nuts for most of that time, not really. The sensation, when she made that first cut & suddenly I had a chin-length bob, was mostly one of relief, also delight. On top of that, it’s not as though I’ve had long hair all my life. I started growing it out this time less than three years ago. I’ve even done this once before, although that was more emotionally intense: I started growing out my hair during my senior year of high school, and through most of college it was an important part of my identity, that very long vivid red hair. I had it cut in the spring of my senior year of college, mostly out of the same sense of OMG TOO MUCH HAIR, but I could really only go shoulder-length. I was honestly not ready for short hair. (I went about this short a little over a year later if I remember correctly.) This time? Totally ready.

“Going short in the winter?” – so it may turn out that I cut all my hair off during the coldest week of the entire year…although so far that hasn’t bothered me too much, especially since I was wearing it off of my face and neck most of the time anyway. (Something the hairdresser said to me: if you’re wearing it in buns and braids to get it out of the way most of the time, you might as well cut it short.) And as a surprise bonus, my favorite knit hat actually fits better now, even looks super-cute (IMHO) with the crazy curl things.

Mostly I’m just immensely enjoying the feeling of having my head free.

And this thing that I wrote about yesterday: so this cut has these long wispy bits coming down in front of my ears. In the photo that was my inspiration, they’re long and wispy, but tidy. Dramatic looking, but in a sleek way. On me, with my big wavy hair, it’s this explosion of almost-curl. And at first I was extremely doubtful. I had her go shorter with the bangs, and somehow that helped. I think it kept my face from being overwhelmed by my hair. (MY HAIR.)  But I kept in mind the idea that I was trying to be interesting, dramatic, whatever you want to call it. (Later, should link this to the lovely tumblr post from Scrapscallion.) As it turns out, and as I wrote yesterday, that part of this style has gotten a really positive response. Last night I mentioned my reaction to C, and he said something to the effect of that part actually making the style work, not be boring. Which is a reminder that I can probably do stranger things than I think I ought to, and that my take on what works is maybe not always reliable. I am my own unreliable narrator. Which you’d think I’d know that already, but it turns out I very frequently need a reminder.

I’m still considering having her widen the bangs (?) a bit, to give a tad more definition between them and the sides, but I’ll probably just leave it alone.

Ah, it seems a bit shallow to have spent/be spending so much time, energy, and words on just my freaking hair. But there’s so much culturally and personally, so much gender construction, so much family history, so much time and emotion.

So after dithering for weeks and weeks, procrastinating calling the stylist, etc…yesterday I got my hair cut. I went from hair almost to the middle of my back to really short. She took off most of it in a single cut, pulling it together in a ponytail, so it could be donated. And then shorter, in successive passes, occasionally stopping so I could put on my glasses & peer into the mirror, muss it up a bit, and decide what direction to go.

What I’m finding interesting is that the bit that I was sort of doubtful about — the way the long locks in front of my ears curl crazily — seems to be what people find most interesting/cute about the new style.

I have more thoughts about that, and what it means for how I see myself, but it’s late and I’m tired.

So tired. Went to bed early, but that just meant that Creamsicle (the fluffy orange cat) was extra-restless in the wee hours. Had food, didn’t want out, didn’t want to cuddle. I think he wanted to PLAY. Eventually I just tossed him outside, mostly because his cry is so piercing that it’s impossible for me to sleep through.

Yesterday an internet acquaintance posted a link to Hunter S Thompson’s eulogy (?) of Nixon, on the occasion of the 100th anniversary of Nixon’s birth. I don’t especially care for HST, but found the essay entertaining. If only because Nixon is a sort of totemic figure for me: I was born the day he was pardoned, and have heard many stories of how my mother spent a hot summer of being pregnant watching the Senate hearings. My paternal grandmother claimed to have been in 2nd (?) grade with him, saying that (a) he beat her in the spelling bee, and (b) he was not well-liked. (There was a story about a prank.) When I was 11 (I think), I first learned about Watergate while coming home from Disneyland. I had to help Mom stay up during the late drive; I noticed a “Watergate Motel” near the park, and having heard of it, was curious what it was about. Then I read her copy of All the President’s Men…yes, in junior high school.

When I was a kid I was crazy about Lincoln; read a ton of (kids’) books and admired him hugely. I guess Nixon is the flip side of that, since I’ve also read a bunch of books about him (although none of his own books; OTOH Nixonland is fantastic) and somewhat tongue-in-cheek (but not entirely) am known to say that I’ll blame Nixon for anything. I was reading a book about our health care system that started with a bit of “how we got here” and was entirely unsurprised to read that one of the efforts towards universal health care/insurance fell apart in part because of Watergate.

So the HST line about Nixon bringing together his family in shared loathing (or something to that effect) really resonated.

I’m supposed to go work out again today, and since I have everything, I probably will. I was really balking at braiding my hair, though; doing french braid pigtails is kind of exhausting. I did normal braid pigtails this morning (the braids are really the only way to keep from overheating), but it confirmed again for me that my hair is a problem in getting into a regular exercise routine. Going to call and make an appointment today. (Honest!)

[I miss the title-less era of Blogger. It’s a PITA to come up with titles for these little bits of rambling. I know WordPress will post w/out titles, but I’d need to rework my theme to deal with that.]

Sour stomach, C up all night with neck pain, heavy rain. So tired this morning, I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. It looks to be one of those days where I’m going to want to find some coding project I can bury myself in all day.

I gave myself a little time to sit and write, but I can hardly string two words together.

Things I’d like to be able to do from the WordPress Android app (tablet version): write a custom excerpt, close comments.

And my own shoulder is sore, though whether from spending a chunk of my workday sitting (instead of at the standing desk) or from my first workout class since probably at least before Thanksgiving I don’t really know.

Might actually sleep on the bus instead of reading or knitting.

Mom gave me a knitting book for Christmas, and I got inspired to use one of the techniques to make something (a scarf, probably) with some yarn I have left over from earlier projects. This winter making things for other people has been a bit of a mixed bag: hats too small, a shawl not quite the right style, a scarf with a pattern too tricky for meeting knitting. Although I’m pleased with how that last turned out.

Probably should stop writing. I’m feeling low enough this morning that it’s liable to just be “ruminating”, in the psychological parlance, and that doesn’t do me a lot of good.

Didn’t write Saturday OR Sunday. Saturday was spent on the train, in Portland with Mom & sisters, and at my D&D game. Sunday was spent recuperating from all that.

The train south was delightful. Olympia is such a simple little station that it’s just a matter of stepping on and going. The scenery was lovely, and ER & I spent most of the trip in the dining car, which was mostly empty.

Going north was less lovely, although part of that was my issue with not understanding the difference between boarding in Oly and boarding in Portland. Since we’d gotten on the train right at the time on the tickets, I thought the same would be true going north, and for one reason or another, we ended up walking into the station mere moments before that time…. And discovering that trains leaving from Portland STOP boarding 5 minutes BEFORE the time on the ticket. More like a plane, really. (I’m sure it said somewhere on the paperwork.) At least exchanging for tickets to the next train wasn’t too difficult, just the boredom of waiting in the lovely station.

The next train was the Coast Starlight, rather than the regional Cascades train. The Coast Starlight is the one I took almost exactly 20 years ago going home for Christmas during my first year in college. It was beautiful scenery…and 12 hours late on the southbound trip, late by a smaller but substantial amount going north. And this one was 45 minutes late. Plus the lowest tech boarding passes on earth: sharpie on little slips of yellow card stock, with those slips then being used to mark which row of seats was ours. It was comfortable enough, although darker/dingier than the earlier train. We were both pretty tired, so we didn’t go looking for the observation car. (The dining car was full of dinner reservations, which they were announcing for a good chunk of our trip.)

I would take the train to Portland again, I think, although I don’t know if I’d do it again for a day trip. And I would definitely make sure to be on a Cascades train. (Also, Cascades have free wifi. No such thing on the Coast Starlight.)

Somewhat to my surprise, the game went pretty well, even with spending my day on trains and with family. Almost got everybody with giant poisonous snakes. The ninjas were less effective than I’d hoped, and I was sad to discover that Animate Dead is touch, not ranged, so the evil clerics didn’t get a chance to reanimate all the dead snakes. Still had a great time.