now, the response earlier promised via email. this is intentionally cryptic. 🙂
I have always felt like I have owed her something.
here, imagine she laughs, first a giggle, then a deep belly laugh. yeah, sure, okay.
the days of adolescent angst weigh pretty heavily on my mind from time to time, but when I think of them, I feel as tho I’m the one who ought to ask forgiveness. the same way that I was unspeakably rude/cruel to the other K in my life, I feel that way about how I was way, way back then. still, it’s not as though I have a dreadful weight on my chest about it or anything. I was a goofball, you were a goofball, we were all goofballs. 🙂 (oh, Thaddeus Kousser, where are you?)
‘kay, sorry, got sidelined by google vanity searching.
and we already worked that out, right? after all, that’s how I got my personal aphorism to never regret anything – not that I actually follow it.
what is really at stake, in my worldview, is how I feel about the events that led up to this. I’ve been given the full 360 degree view now. (well, except for her own.)
I don’t know what I think. not that that’s any surprise to people who know me. I often make indecisiveness into a high art. or maybe it’s just that choices overwhelm me, and new perspectives are hard to integrate into my worldview.
speaking of which. I’m thinking that nobody gets to look good in a situation like that. I’m wondering if I was being jerked around by my melodramatic sister, for whom this must have been one of the most melodramatic experiences of her life. (that’s pretty cruel of me, but I can’t help it.) I’m suspicious of his motives, and pained by my own paranoia.
and then I read, and listen to a pretty tune, and think about the big weird cycles of life, and >shrug< since the whole MWCD thing isn’t really my business, and that broken friendship is.
dude, you owe me nothing. if I change my mind & decide I need to kick your ass, that’s still my problem. let’s jump out of the past & start talking geek.